siriosa 2000
answers to questions it would be rude to askFriday, September 26, 2008
first morning at harbin, last week, i woke up from a dream. cara was walking down a hallway, with a hat pulled down over her face, but i recognized her and went to her. alas, she didn't want to be recognized.
she wanted to get on with ... whatever it is dead people do. i was slowing her down, i guess, by having her always in my heart. by calling her name when i am troubled. she wanted me to let go.
so that's what i'm trying to do. cut the rope to that anchor.
i don't know what my life will be like without it.
it's clear that, left to my own devices, i was never going to let go. but if i'm told to go away, you can hardly see me for the dust. i just don't stay where my presence is not appreciated. celebrated, even.
a lot of habits of mind to undo. it'll take time, but at least my intention is clear.
: October 9, 2008 9:42 PMLinks to this post:
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