siriosa 2000

when oh when oh when

will i learn to take before and after pictures? not to mention during.

i've started another of those endless projects. neighbors on each side of me suggested, very kindly and politely, that something needed to be done about my front yard. i had to agree with them. the plantlife was getting to be knee-high in places.

four years ago, it was sheared down, weed barrier cloth applied, and mulch on top of that. if you keep up with it, the random weeds that take root in the mulch are easily dealt with. but: i haven't been so good at keeping up, recently. (okay, you're right. or ever. fine. wev.)

so i started devoting my hour a day of cardio to addressing the height issue. took about a week to get it all down to ankle high. mostly, i pulled up the grasses, or tore them off near the ground. then i decided the mulch slopping over onto the sidewalk and the neighbor's driveway was a bad thing, and i started re-setting the edging so it was tall enough to actually do its job. i discovered several blackberry runners, and a humongous root of lordess-knows-what. dug 'em out.

now i'm at the stage of running the blunt edge of a rake through the mulch, to dislodge everything that's easy, and then taking pliers (yes, pliers) and pulling up whatever isn't easy.

and i wish i could show you what it was like before. it's very much like the painting and patching job. when you're finished, if you do it right, there's nothing to see. it becomes invisible.

so: woe.

rain.
mom always said "the farmers need it" when we complained about rain in kansas.

and now here i am, going "yay! rain!" after a week of glorious weather. i don't even mind closing the windows again.

it's an auspicious beginning for the new era.

back up on the horse.
ow.

so i sorta stopped going to the gym in december. i was busy. i was clearing out the back yard. it's a pita to get there. wev: there are always excuses, and they're always very good ones, but the bottom line is, you either do it or you don't.

a few weeks ago a nice young man from the local teen center came around with flyers. they're opening up their weight room to neighborhood adults, when the kids aren't using it. two blocks away. ten bucks a month.

it was like skywriting: surrender, dorothy. so monday i signed up, spent a half hour with the training guy. today i strolled over and got started. it's been six weeks since i did focused work with weights.

ow. ow. ow. ow. ow.

but i'm back on the damn horse.

the great redecorating project: finished at last.
it was like what happens when you pull a thread in a sweater.

some time in the last century, the chimney separated from the house in an earthquake. i had it taken down, but didn't have the bandwidth to fix the wall properly: the hole was covered with plywood, the fireplace remained.

when i was in europe the second time, in 2005, b.h.e. got the outside wall fixed at the same time the house was being painted. after i returned, she and her cranky cat moved in. late in 2006, i brought kittens into the house. spot was not best pleased, and expressed herself on the carpet. the kittens acquired culture from the older cat, and the carpet became, eventually, irretrievable.

in 2007 i pulled the carpet up. in march 2008 we had jon kerpel come and take the fireplace out (just about a ton of brick and tile). once that wall was all beautiful and shiny and flat, it was obvious that the rest of the walls needed to be painted. further inspection highlighted a seismic system of cracks in the plaster. they'd have to be filled before painting could happen. jon made a hilariously short estimate, but it was still more than i could afford. i started doing the prep myself.

in a brilliant display of 3-D tetris, i stowed the contents of the living room and dining room in the spare bedroom. then we boarded the cats for a week and went to harbin, while some guys came and refinished the floors. here's a piece of advice: do the prep work before the floors get refinished. it's an order of magnitude harder to patch plaster while protecting floors.

the painting was finished in august. and then it took me until last week to hang photographs, mount and frame collages, get the curtain rods and curtains organized.

i've put up a small gallery. do let me know what you think.

if somebody doesn't buy something
from sirius books in the next two weeks, i will have made exactly nothing from my writing and art this year.

(the unintended consequence of getting started on my bookkeeping before the Very Last Minute: an ugly little reality check.)

let me just point out, these make absolutely lovely gifts, and i'm happy to ship them directly to the recipients:

seeing double/rose windows (the collage book)
the mini photo books:
my feet go to europe
this is me in europe
signs of peace in europe

shoot me an email, and i can hook you up with some "out of print" poetry, some of which is going for $75 apiece on the collectible book sites. i know where to find copies of "and every one of us a witch" and "lesbian love poems." 20th century stuff. very retro.

if you order something using paypal, please email me also (gmail address: siriosa). that will save me from pathetically logging into paypal every twenty minutes.

or, you know: you can turn the page.
</self promotion>

a few of my favorite signs
from the oakland join the impact rally, 11/15/08. in no particular order.

our love cannot hurt you!
it it talks like a p.a.c. and acts like a p.a.c. tax the church like a p.a.c.
we'll "get over it" when we get back our rights
protect marriage: ban divorce
LDS bought my rights for $22 million
we hate h8
discrimination hurts
equal rights for all. *void where prohibited. this offer may not be available in all states.
stop imposing your religious lifestyle choices on others
more [heart] less 8
divorce lawyers 4 gay marriage
prop 8 = bigotry
i helped elect the first black president and all i got was this lousy marriage ban.
love is never wrong
thank you, 5,173,113 californians
we shall overcome
mr. pickles has two mommies. [peace sign] [heart] + whiskas. cats hiss at prop h8. hella [heart] same sex couples. meow for equal rights.
keep your rosary off my rights!
want to live in a religious state? so does osama bin laden
equality in ca
the power of love
ban homophobia, not gay marriage (in a stroller)
(other side) marriage for all or divorce the system
our love cannot hurt you!
wtf? 26 years, 3 weddings, 2 kids
"defending traditional marriage"?? are you bringing back dowries and marital rape, too? no thanks!!!!
let us get this straight. you let us plan yours, but won't let us have ours?
separation of church and state is not a one way street
bigotry is a choice; sexuality is not.
equal rights for all people. no exceptions.
together 22 years, married august 30.
28 years together + 2 daughters. we deserve the right!!
love makes a family (but legal rights help!)
restore our constitution
how shall we vote when they come for _you_?
erase hate
we all deserve the freedom to marry
wwjh: who would jesus hate
boricuas against h8
equal taxes = equal rights
my love is as fundamental as yours. and so are my rights.
let love rule
brigham young had 55 wives. my lesbian friends just want one.
california short on "change"
i married the woman i love
repeal doma
an unjust law is no law at all
love not h8
separate is not equal
i have[strikethrough] had a dream
focus on your own damn family
our love endures all. repeal prop 8
you'd rather i marry your son?
we want the same rights as the chickens
a right lost to one is lost to all.
our marriage doesn't need *your* protection
we're still here
bigotry does not invalidate my family
no more h8
it's our time
love not h8
no more ms. nice gay!
i love my trans [male symbol] husband
love and let love
mormoms have gay kids too!
step off, h8ters
marriage rights, not wrongs! tradition ... made when women + children were chattel ... change = good
which other rights can be improved with a vote?
civil marriage is a civil right!
i hella [rainbow heart] queers
married with pride
can we vote on _your_ marriage?
no more mr. nice gay! equal rights now!
equal rights are not special rights

tshirts:
(homemade tshirt): what small-minded god takes sides?
(on the front): infidel heretic gentile
homemade tshirt: just another solider in the war on heternormativity
(with apologies for misspellings)
front: next... we vote on _your_ marriage.
back: civil rights means equal for all


two guys across the street:
gay=pervert
a moral wrong cannot be a civil right
shame

standing next to them:
he is in denial of being gay
my gaydar is never wrong.
these men have concealed their identity because they know they're wrong
will work for wives. god bless!
straight sistah 4 equality
my foster parents are *not* second class citizens
prop 8: state sanctioned hate
BIGOT: a person intolerantly devoted to his/her own opinions and prejudices, ESPECIALLY one who regards or treats the members of a group with H8TRD + intolerance
no to bigotry! equal rights now
duh! maybe it's not a moral wrong
you don't have to be gay to believe in equal rights
love is love
str8 against h8
why won't you let me be happy?
gender equality: if a man can marry a woman, why can't a woman do the same?
thou shalt NOT avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt LOVE they neighbor as thyself: I am the Lord.

oakland join the impact rally
a late report.

so, yeah, it was last saturday. i wanted to put pictures up on my flickr account before i blogged it. and then there was work to be done with the pictures. writing down what the signs said, cropping out extranea. you know.

when i came home after, i told b.h.e.: "i feel better." the passage of prop 8 had filled me with sickly sadness, and the rally was a positive thing to do: add my body to the numbers, make a showing, take a stand. just like the old days, but without the tear gas.

there were a couple of counter-protesters across the street. i'm going to assume they chose that spot on advice from the (somewhat bored) police. a steady stream of rallyers kept them company, holding signs to mock them. a row of people faced them on "our" side of the street, with their signs.

i probably devoted more space to that aspect of the rally than it deserved, but the cheerful mockery my allies delivered made me happy. best not piss off teh gays: we know how to bring the snark.

native american two-spirits ceremonially opened and closed the rally. drumming. chanting. saging. many fine speakers. a little troupe of multidenominational (though all apparently christian) ministers, who led us in song. (yes, including holly near's anthem, "gentle angry people.") several newlyweds.

it's completely true that we've come a long way in the 40 years since stonewall. the demand for full civil rights was just a distant dream, then. as wanda sykes said in las vegas, "we are not gonna settle for less. instead of having gay marriage in california, no! we're gonna get it across the country."

may it be so.

Labels: civil rights, join the impact, marriage equality, oakland, rally

oakland city hall. saturday. 10:30.
i'll be there.



what do we want? our civil rights. when do we want them?
my friends, we want them now.

this: is fabulous.
sinfest, on the transition.

via shaenon k. garrity.

come in, medford.
according to sitemeter, somebody in medford, oregon, has been pinging the blog several times a day.

makes me feel guilty i don't update it more often.

so, medford fan: what is it you want to know?

hope. so that's what it looks like.
i'd forgotten.

was just watching the obama victory event in chicago, the crowd shots.

somebody on making light (where i watched the election, being allergic to tv) said they wanted a button or tshirt that says "YES WE DID."

me too.

still too early to call prop. 8. but you know what? even if we lose, even if it passes, we'll just overturn it next election.

as grace slick used to sing back in the 60s: "every day more of us are being born, and more of you are dying."

i'm making a garden.
did i mention that?

a few weeks ago, i interrupted some fretting about the economy, peak oil (you know: DOOOOOOOOOOOM) by asking what i was going to wish i'd done.

it's a habit i got into when cara was diagnosed with cancer. i live my life to minimize regret. what will i wish i had done? do that first.

so i've been clearing the wilderness the back yard has been for over 20 years. (i got a nice crop of blackberries this year.) it's about 60 percent cleared now. if i had more green bins, it'd go faster. actually, there's enough cleared that i could prepare a little plot now, and continue clearing around it.

carrots are easy. cabbage is supposed to be cool to grow in the winter. onions. garlic. some legumes.

need to figure out a way to protect the produce from possums, raccoons, and ambient cats. chicken wire, i guess. i'm such a complete noob.

of course, the other reason for clearing the yard is that i want to put cara's ashes in the ground on dia de los muertos. in the same general area as the two cats we shared our lives with. i'm not going to fence it off or make it special. just dig a good deep hole and forget exactly where it is. and continue with the garden.

letting go of her, letting her move on. so many habits of thought to reroute. it's a lot of hard work.

which is good, both for my cardiovascular system and for my emotive heart.

"honey? do we own a mop?"
(no. we have a scooba.)

the good news is, the kitchen floor's very, very clean. the bad news is, the outlet hose on the washer has decided to pop out of the pipe it's supposed to feed into. i have jury-rigged a clip and string arrangement to tether it in place.

when b.h.e. moved in, she brought towels. i had towels also. there are perhaps too many towels crammed into the linen closet.

otoh, i'll have an opportunity to reorganize the linen closet, because all those towels went on the floor, to mop up all that water.

b.h.e. and i were just this morning congratulating ourselves on how much more stamina we have than last year. (we started swimming 3x/wk in january. in june we started strength training. in september i started getting at least a half hour of cardio exercise every day.)

and then the washing machine got creative, and i got to use up all the extra energy i'd just been boasting about.

also: laundry's done, and the photographs are finally hung in the living room. next up: mounting prints of four of the collages so we can hang them as well.

is sarah palin qualified?
this is one of the rare instances when i post the same thing to both blogs. right now it's running 50-50. (okay, okay, 49-49.) which is appalling. she's qualified to be a cheerleader. she's qualified to host pta suppers. commander-in-chief of the u.s.? sweet baby cheeses.

pbs is running the poll. it will get media attention. go vote, wouldja? we can't have pbs saying their viewers think palin is qualified.

sometimes i wish i were canadian. honestly.

sad dream
first morning at harbin, last week, i woke up from a dream. cara was walking down a hallway, with a hat pulled down over her face, but i recognized her and went to her. alas, she didn't want to be recognized.

she wanted to get on with ... whatever it is dead people do. i was slowing her down, i guess, by having her always in my heart. by calling her name when i am troubled. she wanted me to let go.

so that's what i'm trying to do. cut the rope to that anchor.

i don't know what my life will be like without it.